I'm Not Certain What God Wants

... SOMETHING I'M A MESS ABOUT.

So, I'm smack-dab in the middle of posting, one at a time, "Five Things I Never Say To My Kids"...

And THIS happens.

Don't click the link. I'll just tell you:

The United Methodist Church at large voted in a specially held General Conference to uphold one line from its Book of Discipline (layman's terms: the constitution for United Methodists) that says "The practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching."

How this plays out: No more practicing LGBTQ United Methodist serving as clergy, no more United Methodist clergy conducting gay marriage ceremonies.

At bedtime, when my 5th grader had had the chance to give his day's highlights and the spotlight turned to my day, I didn't hold back in letting him know that I was deeply sad. And then I laid it out there.

It took me a second to remember that this child has already been taught and believes that being gay sexually is what hair color is aesthetically: a benign variety. Nothing more, nothing less.

Because when I described the fact that there has been for centuries a beef in the Christian church with homosexuality, that traditionally - because of certain Bible passages - it has been viewed as a sin, he stared at me in dismay for a good long while before saying, "What? That doesn't make sense. Why in the world would it be a sin?"

It was then I realized I needed to dance all the way back to the days the Bible was written to help him see that there was a lot of confusion, even after Jesus came to clear stuff up, about what God wanted for us all. And at that time, people who had same-sex partners were seen to be weird, disgusting, repulsive, bad. And that that cultural understanding got wrapped up into lists of other things authors of the Bible said God didn't want for us along with: being a drunkard, a reviler, an idolater, a stealer, a swindler, greedy.

And then, from me, out came this: I mean, I love God like crazy and have a pretty groovy relationship with God... and I can't say for sure what God would say about everything. How could I? How does anyone say they know for sure?

Enters an addition to Things I Never Say To My Kids: I'm certain.

Shoot me the day I say I am certain about What Is What About Life, much less What God Wants For Us All.

Sometimes I think I have a pretty good idea.

But I sure as hell am not certain.

So, back to my 5th grader:

After I did my "I'm not certain what God wants... how could the author of those passages in the Bible or anyone else be?" schtick, he pauses and then goes, "Well it sounds a lot to me like the Civil Rights movement. It sounds like discrimination. I don't think being gay is any different than having dark skin. I just don't see how it is a sin."

Sometimes the eyes of children are the only ones I ever want to see through.

Yes, buddy, yes.

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If you are certain (see what I did there) that I'm done, you're be wrong... because I feel convicted, as a United Methodist myself, to unpack today's decision with integrity. There will be oodles of confusion and misinformation swirling around this news in days and weeks to come. I plan, in the coming day, to share what I am fairly certain to be true surrounding today's decision. Stay tuned.

Update: here it is.